it's time now for tonight's "closing argument." president obama came to new york city to take on wall street

today. he said the legislation would curb the practices of wall street. while he believes in the power of the free market, a free market was never meant to be a free license to take whatever you can get, however you can get it. is the president doing enough to reform the financial industry? or do you expect more business as usual? tell us what you think on the nightline facebook page. or at abcnews.com. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel, with six new burgers from the cheesecake factory topped with ingredients so glamorous they can only be called glamburgers. the cheesecake factory is looking for one more signature glamburger and they're challenging you to create it. guillermo and i are making ours right now.

the grand prize winner gets to choose a glamorous getaway from six destinations inspired by the new glamburgers, places like sante fe, sonoma -- >> ooh - sonoma! how romantic! >> jimmy: yes, that is. we're going to make our burgers. >> i'm putting tortilla. >> jimmy: i'm doing i tall kran. some marinara sauce, some p peppero pepperoni. what is that, cheesecake? >> i love hamburger and i love cheesecake. >> jimmy: i can't argue with that. let's get, come this here. this is uray. he's in the studio audience. i would like you to taste each

of these burgers. start with mine. tell us which one you like better. that's the italian theme. here we go. he's biting. very god. now try guillermo's. >> this is the mexican style. >> jimmy: very awe thuthentiaut. give it a try. >> you want to stay u.s.? >> huh uh. >> jimmy: which one did you like better? >> yours. >> i'm not taking you to sonoma. >> now until may 3 t1st, enter e challenge. >> jimmy: back in a moment with chace crawford, anthony

anderson. protesting is awesome. do you want to go o my apartment? what?! what... need a moment?

i thought you were a believer. someone who wanted to blog about their ideals. i love blogging! chew it over with twix that's right, # we said sandwich? ♪ what would you do-oo-oo for a klondike bar? ♪ ♪

>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, from "gossip girl," chace crawford, anthony anderson. and music from taylor hawkins & the coattail riders. with cleto and the cletones. and now, hang in there. here's jimmy kimmel!

>> jimmy: welcome to the show. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the program. and yes, the guy from the underwear commercials. happy earth day to everyone. earth day was started 40 year ago by senator gaylord nelson to focus americans on the environment and to distract them from the fact that his name was gaylord nelson. al gore is very wasted right now, i'm sure. maybe that volcano in iceland is just a candle. flowers wi flowers are no good. i think i'll draw the earth a bubble bath. the earth is fine, there are parts of it that are not all that great. didny released a new movie called "oceans" today.

the documentary last year was called earth. this one is focusing beneath the sea. this one is narrated by pierce brosn brosnan. i like the on original narrater, christian bale. >> what the [ bleep ] is it with row? what the [ bleep ] are you doing? give me a [ bleep ] answer. shut the [ bleep ] up, bruce. oh, good for you. >> jimmy: there you are. that could be good. even with pierce it will be good. this is puzzling. a new poll from "the new york times" found that a substantial number of americans are not convinced that president obama

was born in the united states. 20% said he was born in another country. 2 the% said they don't know where he was born. i personally don't believe he was born at all. i'll tell you what he don't look like no dang hawaii kran i have ever seen. the last president was born in connecticut, went to harvard business school, and the yale, sand still talked like boss hogg for some reason. nobody thought that was strange. you know what else wasn't born in this country? sophia vergara and pizza. you dang al plump hamster in front of the president's face, if he eats it, he's one of those

lizard people from "v." the president was in new york today to talk and ask them not to stop financial reforms. >> some on wall street forget that behind every dollar traded. >> la, la, la, la, la, la, la. >> jimmy: see what i mean. it's like they're intentionally not trying to hear what he was saying. vice president biden was on the "view." he was there to set the word record for most botox on one couch. for several weeks, we've been following the story of the unstoppable monkey in florida. it escaped from somewhere. for more than a year, they haven't been able the catch it. tranquilizer guns have had no effect on the monkey. now it has a facebook page with

us tos of followers. they call it the mystery monkey. they're at their wits' end. they want the catch it. all of a sudden, i understand what they're going through. we have a similar problem at the show. andy dick -- andy dick is on the show about five months ago, somehow he not loose and we have to the been able to capture him this is security camera foot nj our tv -- [ bleep ]. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: andy's been running wild. this is our receptionist. this is all in one day, by the way. this is our elevator.

and i don't know. he just pushes all the buttons and -- really not what you want to see. oh, poor guillermo. he was attacked and stripped of his clothing. this is our snack table, or was our snack tabl until andy got there. oh, no, you know. there's anthony anderson. relaxing before the show. he was attacked by andy. he actually. anthony managed to get a good hold of him. [ bleep ]. >> security! security! >> jimmy: hopefully that will take care of it. you thing this would have happened if his name was andy gentleman? the nfl draft was held tonight.

the nation's finest college athletes were booed by the animals that watch this. sam bradford was the first pick. ndamukong suh was the second pick. >> on the red carpet, i have not seen one emotion yet if this gentle giant. can you give me a smile or something? >> i got you. i'm all about business. i'm excited to be in detroit and help the orgnation. >> orgnation? that's nuts. >> jimmy: he's got to be stopped. president george w. bush's library in dallas ran into a road block. they construct a library to honor thelss.

that's weird for george bush because he's not been in one before. the land on which the library is supposed to be built is a home for feral cats. some cat loves are upset. the cats themselves have started to organize on youtube. ♪ ♪ there comes a time for all the cats on the internet ♪ ♪ to come together as one ♪ bush doesn't need a library he doesn't even read except that stupid book about a goat ♪ ♪ we are the cats we are on youtube let's stop the george

bush presidential library ♪ ♪ drum solo ♪ we are the cats the cats on youtube we are the cats who do adorable stuff just to amuse your ♪ ♪ we will stop at nothing just to let those kitties be please stop george bush's presidential library ♪ ♪ oh, meow >> jimmy: that's amazing. we assembled every great cat. i liked it better than the new version of "we are the world." last night on "american idol" tim urban was voted off.

i apologize for making another volcano joke. coming up with funny stuff to say about "american idol" nine seasons in is getting hard. we're outsousing outsourcing 30 k writers. are row there? >> hi. >> jimmy: it's jimmy kimmel. >> hello, mr. jimmy. jimmy kimmel joke hot line, how can i help you? >> jimmy: do skrou have any jokes about tim urban. >> we do.

i guarantee big-time laughing. let me get andrew. >> jimmy: oh, that's -- that is -- wait a minute. >> you never get me. >> jimmy: i thing we lost a computer. i don't think they can hear me. if they're watching, thank you. all right, it's thursday night. time for the tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's this week this unnecessary sensorship. >> here's someone who recently had a new baby and managed to get that fabulous [ bleep ] back in shape in no time. >> he [ bleep ] her for years cruising her cell phone. >> april 20th is practically a high holiday. >> you are the [ bleep ] queen.

we have never had anybody [ bleep ] the way you blp plped tonight. >> you don't have to be a superhero. you're a super [ bleep ] squirrel. >> i don't think it's a deal breaker. >> you know [ bleep ]. >> michelle continues to suck up her 15 minutes of fame. >> my sister-in-law katie. we do a lot of [ bleep ] in minnesota. >> i'm driving my daughter to school today. she says, daddy, whey do you go like this? because that's me with all the drivers. >> oh, look. can we [ bleep ] him, barney? >> that's a good question. you should always bask before yu [ bleep ] a dog you don't know.

>> jimmy: we'll be right back with chace crawford. stay right there. hello there everyone, please listen carefully. it has come to my attention hat in our latest batch of cottonelle rol over toilet paper, some rolls actually roll under.

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>> jimmy: >> jimmy: welcome back. with us tonight, a very funny guy, he's in the new movie, "the back-up plan," anthony anderson is with us. and then the new al upmc, red light fever, taylor hawkins. he sings and plays drums at the same time. i can't even play drums at the same time. they put our their al bun on 8-track. think the last time i touched one of these, the tape was

inside an animal. it's a long story. but -- next week on the show, courtney love, erin andrews, megan mulally, craig robinson, a boxing rabbi will be here. and then music from hole, civil twilight. you have a message you want to say tonight, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: and share that message with us. >> i want to say to my grandma, happy birthday, grandma, i love you. >> jimmy: that's very nice. tell everyone how old she is tonight? >> 80. >> jimmy: 80 years old. it would be a nice thing -- you know what would be a nice thing for you to do? >> after the show. stop by there and treat her to a

little bit of your patented -- >> jimmy: give her a thrill from a younger man. >> thank you, jim, thank you, guillermo. >> jimmy: here we go. not even the volcano clouds of iceland could keep our guest from being here. you can sween over him every monday night on "gossip girl." say hello to chace crawford. now, i should maybe establish that i'm not kidding, you were held hostage by the volcano. >> i was. the ash clouded the uk. >> jimmy: where were you? >> i was in london.

there ares where places to be. >> jimmy: they wouldn't let any planes out, right? >> they wouldn't. >> jimmy: how long were you supposed to be there? >> until this saturday or sunday. >> jimmy: you wound up staying quite a bit longer. >> i didn't care that much. i mean, you know. >> jimmy: i bet you other people probably cared pause you had things you needed to do, right? >> i was with my good friend, the manager. he was working like a monkey on crack to get us out to do obligations. he thought we would have to stay the whole week and not be able to do your show. >> jimmy: so did he -- did he want you to fly through the ash? what was he thinking? >> yeah, on hang glider. he comes to me and said, we got -- you won't believe this. 50 on people booked up the queen

mary? i'm like, who, who, who. not long beach one. the one that goes to new york from london. over the atlantic. the one that works? he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. i said, how long does that take? he's hike, six days. i love you buddy, i would rather just swim. >> jimmy: you probably got here faster by taking the plane than waiting it out. >> by taking the actual american airlines plane. >> jimmy: i'm blood you got here. what a hero you are for risking your life. >> i made it. >> jimmy: were you in england promoting "gossip girl"? a little bit. >> jimmy: people know hat in england? >> surprisinsurprisingly, krae. >> jimmy: i think that's interesting, which shows become popular in other countries. is this what they think our --

>> you know, it's escalated. the fans knew what was going on. they said, hay, they're kite about it. there's a fascination with the world of the new york kids that we portray. i'm like, you would be so happy to know. it's how sit in real life. >> jimmy: everyone's having sex with each other all the time. >> if you want the be cool -- oh, god, my parents are like, what are you doing? >> jimmy: do your parents get embarrassed by the content of the show? >> sewer prizingly, no. my grandparents, i was worried about that. >> jimmy: how old are they? >> in their 60s. >> jimmy: in their 30s. >> yeah in the south, you do it young. >> jimmy: what does your

grandmother say? >> they both watch the show every week and they'll text me. they'll text me. >> jimmy: that hip. omfg. >> lmfao. >> i'm like, grandma, s-t-o-p. no. i'm so happy kour with serena this time. i'm blood you're not with that cougar anymore. >> i got this text, cougar, what? >> jimmy: speaking of this. i want to go will you this chart here. >> oh, though. >> jimmy: here we go. >> i'm in the center. >> jimmy: the red lines indicate people that kour character has had sex with.

you tell me. there is some kind of intersection here. this is a lot of people on one show. >> this is like an offensive play. >> jimmy: this is more than my real life, by the way. that's kind of sad. so you have been with rachel, and vanessa and bree, and blair, jenny, serena. serena's been with carter, aaron, and trip skrn p. don with olivia, rachel and vanessa. then we have kate, jack, and sawyer. >> we're all lost in reality. >> jimmy: that's a lot, you're like the tiger woods of this show. >> oh, wow. look at blair's expression there. >> jimmy: like she got hit by a sonic boom. >> just like little house on the

prairie used to be. >> jimmy: that's fairly impressive, i have to say. it's good to meet you. continue embrarsing your grandparents. cow can watch "gossip girl" on the qw. at cheez-it, we expect a lot from our cheese. - knock, knock. - who's there? interrupting cheese. interrupt-- - cheese! - i should have seen that one coming. you should've, 'cause that was-- i even told you i was gonna be interrupting you. ( snickering, laughing ) morning sir. beautiful day, isn't it? we take the time for our cheese to mature... before we bake it into every delicious cracker. because at cheez-it, real cheese matters. ♪ oh pepperoni, how much i love yah ♪

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>> jimmy: woor back. still to come, music from taylor hawkins pand and the coattail riders. you know our guest from movies like "the departed" and kangaroo jack." please welcome, anthony anderson. [ applause ]

>> jimmy: how are you? >> i'm all right. >> jimmy: it's been a listening time since you were here. >> i thought i did something wrong. >> jimmy: it's been years. what happened to the rest you have? >> it's sad. you know, when you break up with a lover, you get skinny. i've been mourning my jimmy kimmel loss. >> jimmy: how much have you lost? >> pa pou35 pounds. >> jimmy: it's a weird thing. >> when dick wolf hired me to come on to "law & order" we sat down and he said, hey, anthony. i like the way you look. promise me you won't debt any

fatter. if that day on, i was like, i got your number. i've been losing weight since i got on the show just to spite him. he said not to get any fatter. it was motivation. >> jimmy: you're an l.a. native. you lived here your whole life. your mom is a character. did she move to new york with you? >> no, no. >> jimmy: she did not. >> i left her here. >> jimmy: is being way from her part of the reason you lost weight is this she was maybe feeding you too much. is that possible? >> i probably would have lost more weight staying here getting the stress from my mom. >> jimmy: i think she was hawking you to by here a house. >> she's a property manager now.

she manages the building where she lives rent free. >> jimmy: does she visit you? >> i hope not. >> jimmy: your mom's very funny. you're funny. how many kids do you have? >> 14-year-old daughter, 10-year-old son. >> jimmy: are they fun hi? >> my son just found his funny. i host a monthly comedy show every third sunday of the month. last year, i had my son with me on father's day weekend. he wanted to get on stage. and i was like, all right. you know, are you ready for this? he said, yeah. i had him bring me out on stage and open the show. we told your mama jokes since it was father's day. >> jimmy: you did wit with him? >> his intro was like, "you saw

him in agent cody banks" but i see him in his drawers in the living room. give it up for anthony anderson. >> jimmy: did you write that is this. >> no, he did. i was surprised by the confidence and poise he had on stage. >> jimmy: that's a god joke. a good formula. >> but what bugged me out, we're this the cab heading to our apartment. he said, okay, look, when i come back next month, i'm not going to tell your mama skroex, we already did that. i was like, are you working on your next set? i was pleasantly surprised. >> jimmy: do you do your mama jokes to him? >> i was talking about his, he was talking about mine. >> jimmy: your jokes were about your own wife? >> and his jokes were about his

own grandmother. >> jimmy: it's -- they were not there, were they is this. no. >> jimmy: that's probably for the best. your daughter, is she interested? >> not in show business. her whole thing is, she wants to be -- i asked her when she was 8, she said i will live in a gated community in malibu. i will be a celebrity chef to the stars. i will have a maid that is my friend and we will go shoe shopping ef day. she shies way from my celebrity. i say, it's my movie, i do have to pay for it. they're like, go ahead. she's like, dad, why did you drop the anthony anderson card. she says, you don't have to do that. unless it works to her benefit.

she wanted to see drake and she wants me to use my celebrity to benefit her. >> jimmy: think that's good that she's not too anxious to get into showbiz. >> she doesn't want that. >> jimmy: you're doing this movie with jennifer lopez. have you met her? >> in passing. >> jimmy: you're her love interest? >> i'm one of several. our in the movie with her but you don't have any scenes with her. okay, with why do i do it? >> jimmy: nothing, you didn't get to peer in on her. >> you didn't get to do what on her? >> jimmy: peer. >> huh, jimmy? >> jimmy: you didn't get to urinate on her. it was a slip of the tongue.

>> i didn't have any scenes with her. her last day on set was my first day of rehearsals. i talked to her and her husband about having a family. >> jimmy: you had impure thoughts. >> she glowed. her name should be j.glow. >> jimmy: i sat behind her at an awards show. >> how was that view? >> jimmy: it was good. she's very beautiful. you should have been in a scene with her. >> trust me. i had camera ready. >> jimmy: you play the buddy of her boyfriend? >> yeah, i play the voice of reason. alex o'laughlin comes into the park. he's in a kiddie park with his hands in his porkt.

i think he's a pervert. he explains to me, he's numb. i just found out i'm having twins. i know that feeling. i be his voice of reason. >> jimmy: we have a clip of that. >> i was going act the whole thing out. >> jimmy: anthony anderson. >> what's it like, the whole kid thing? >> the best way i can describe it is it's awful, awful, awful, awful, and then something incredible happens. and then awful, awful, awful, awful, awful. >> jimmy: the voice of reason. so "law & order" starts shooting again when? >> late skrul. we're starting season 21. the longest running one-hour drama in television history. >> jimmy: wow, that's something else.

will you spend that time until july with your mom at her place? >> i will help her property manage. >> jimmy: are you doing a movie after this? >> i am. something with with jack black up in vancouver. thank you. and then hopefully this other project comes to fruition with patrick dempsey. >> jimmy: we'll give our positive thoughts to you. >> that's why i put it out there. >> jimmy: anthony anderson. "the back-up plan" opens friday. sometimes when i use deodorant right after i shave, i get irritation.

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>> dickey: next week on "jimmy kimmel live," kourntny love, julie bowen, erin andrews, a boking rabbi, and the latest castoff with "dancing with the stars." music from civil twilight, dr.

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>> jimmy: we're back. anthony anderson is here. this is the thank you album, red light fever. with the song yt not bad luck" taylor hawkins and the coat tail riders. ♪ ♪ don't believe the writing on the wall instigators love to see a fall ♪ ♪ you get what you need if you shoot from the hip the truth is what you'll get sometimes it seems ♪ ♪ to all belong complicated doesn't make it wrong

no need to ♪ ♪ enlighten me the word shines right through your eyes it's not bad luck ♪ ♪ you give as good as you get it's so easy to see it's not bad luck you give as good as you get ♪ ♪ doesn't matter to me it's so easy to see everyone's a stranger in the end ♪ ♪ you could be a loner and a friend it's getting to me it gets in my head ♪ ♪ the wounded and the dead cuz i can see them all day long waiting for ♪ ♪ the ending to begin you'll keep on

reminding me that you got nothing ♪ ♪ to hide it's not bad luck you give as good as you get it's so easy to see ♪ ♪ it's not bad luck you give as good as you get doesn't matter to me it's not bad luck ♪ ♪ you give as good as you get it's so easy to see it's not bad luck you give as good as you get ♪ ♪ doesn't matter to me it's so easy to see ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ it's not bad luck it's not bad luck ♪ ♪ it's not bad luck you give as good as you get it's so easy to see it's not bad luck you give as good as you get ♪ doesn't matter to me it's so easy to see doesn't matter to me ♪ ♪ don't believe the writing on the wall ♪ ♪ [ applause ]

>> jimmy: hey, we're back. i want the thank anthony anderson, i want to apologize to matt damon. aran out of time. the al bup is red light fever. once again, taylor hawkins and the coat tail riders. good night.